Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Pagan follies



The Wednesday After Advent 3


Virtutes gentium splendida vitia sunt.




Et tu, Belushi?

Once upon a time, your unworthy blogster was a serious student of classical learning. In addition to a low-octane seminary education, I managed a graduate degree in philosophy from a middling state university and continue to "sneak a peek" at some of my long lost pagan friends: Plato, Cicero, Seneca, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius; "lost" being not a warrant of final judgment, but a frank assessment of the sorry state of my library. 

Alas, times have changed. And the competition with it. These days we have the wussy New Age pagans. These bozos wouldn't know a real pagan if one bit them on the arse. Real Pagans. Not bookstore Wiccans or pretend Druids. You know, worthy pagans, the meaty kind St. Clement claimed prepared the way for Christ.  I have always had a fond spot for the latter who, in any case, helped soften many of us up for the old knockout punch. St. Augustine had his Plato, St.Thomas Aquinas his Aristotle, Calvin his Seneca. I had my Marcus Aurelius, who by a long and winding road led me to Epictetus, the Stoics, William James and eventually to Pascal where my philosophical education ended and my real life began.

For many years I had an 18th century engraving of Marcus Aurelius in my office, a gift from a very dear friend. Not to worry,  images of Our Lord, the BVM, and a host of saints had hemmed that rascally persecutor in; along with a picture of the chapel in Walsingham U.K. where I was priested, a page from a Dutch Service Book [a tip of the hat to my Reformed friends], and a dummy hand grenade. 




You may be wondering what a man of the cloth was doing with a dummy hand grenade in his office and perhaps in a future blog I will tell you. For now, I have a much more interesting story to relate. While surfing the internet yesterday I landed "accidentally" on a website entitled Rasa Von Werder presents Woman Thou Art God: The University of Mother God Church.  Perhaps I should explain that I was looking for artistic images of hell [after all, hell is a high-class place and should be represented as such] and Ms. Von Werder [I don't know the proper form of address for a Goddess] has linked her website [http://www.womanthouartgod.com/] to images of  the Inferno in Yahoo's image bank. At least, I assume it was Ms.Von Werder who did the linking. In any case, I must warn you that at the bottom of her portal there is a wee reminder that her website contains "Artful Nudity".

I appreciate the heads-up because I would not want anyone to knowingly sin. Indeed, I have a little penitential handbook that lists prudery as a sin. I am referring to page 120 of  St. Augustine's Prayer Book. It is quite explicit and is sure to make any pious catholic think twice about being a prude. Prudery is defined as "Fear of sex or condemnation of it as evil in itself. Refusal to seek adequate sexual instruction or the attempt to prevent others from obtaining it. Stimulation of  excessive and harmful curiosity by undue secrecy. Repression of sex." Strengthened by this knowledge, I immediately clicked through.

St. Augustine
Web Nanny


Permission granted.


I really did think I had seen it all. There are any number of unusual [to say the least] religious images and some quite creative--albeit bizarre--juxtapositions. Nothing, I might add, that is particularly prurient. It is as if Heironymous Bosch had teamed up with Tertullian to accessorize a "Gentleman's Club". But perhaps I should let Ms.Von Werder speak for Herself...

"The following is the religion dictated to Rasa Von Werder in 1992-1993. She had felt stirrings deep inside her for years, that a new religion was needed. One day, she awoke with a revelation and God told her to write it down. This was the result. This, which she is calling "Church of the God Within," contains the foundation of University of MotherGod Church."  

Well, God must have been having an "off" day. Or perhaps it was not God at all but the Other Guy. As for "stirrings deep inside her", that will become very clear later. Trust me, there is a perfectly logical explanation.

There`are a number of curious images on the website but what caught my eye first was a link to Purgatory, I have more than a passing interest in the doctrine and was delighted to discover that Ms. Von Werder shared some of my concerns for its denizens. I was also heartened--I guess--to find I was only a click away. Again, I think it best to let the Ms. Von Werder speak for herself. 

"Helping Souls in Purgatory is perhaps the greatest mission of Rasa Von Werder; the touchstone of her entire mystical life. She can judge how her inner antennas are working by whether or not she is communicating with them. There is an urgent need today to preach Souls in Purgatory, because the Catholic Church, traditionally their spokesman, has lain down on the job. Helping these souls is the greatest act of charity there is - and we benefit as much from this as they do. Greater rewards come from helping them than from any other action. The three things that they need are Masses, prayers, and voluntary harships [sic] and sufferings for them." 

I would think the poor souls in Purgatory probably had enough in the way of suffering. But she is probably right. Listening to her preach would definitely qualify as more "harship [sic] and sufferings." I will not reveal the names of those she claims she has freed from Purgatory. Oh, why not. They're already listed on the web site anyway. http://www.womanthouartgod.com/purgatory.php   So here's the purgatorial [pa]role call. 

Anthony Quinn, Richard Pryor, Robert Atkins M.D. , George C. Scott, Elvis Presley, Errol Flynn, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Rudolph Nureyev and Timothy McVeigh.

 Errol Flynn 
a.k.a. Captain Blood

My wicked, wicked ways
Sentence commuted to time served

I'm afraid it's a short list. But there are numerous theological loose ends. For instance, where in the hell [oops!] are the rest of the Rat Pack? How can you spring Sinatra and Dean Martin and not Lawford, Bishop and Sammy Davis Jr.? And what does the Atkins diet have to do with the Oklahoma City bomber? Or General Patton with the Nutcracker Suite?  Or Zorba the Greek with self-combusting comedians? Truly, Her ways are not our ways.

Richard Pryor


 Lighting the way



There are a number of other interesting items on her website. One of note is an article  titled "Swami G, since you don't believe in my stigmata, I dont believe in your Sahaja" I was not certain what a "Sahaja" was, so I went to Wikipedia to find out. I consider myself an educated person, but after twenty minutes of reading, about all I can say is "it's complicated". Really complicated.

Ms. Rasa Von Werder
Goddess
Mistress of Purgatory

In the flesh--but still partially clothed
Nature, grace, and just a hint of burlesque

But as long as I was on Wikipedia I decided I'd give Ms. Von Werder a probe of her own. Bingo! What an interesting person--er, Goddess. Not only is she God, but in 1967 she was Miss Nude Universe. And once upon a time [pre-Goddess days, I'm sure] she was in what is politely referred to as "the adult trade". Hmmmm. Perhaps the Catholic church is not the only thing that has "lain down on the job." Naked? Universe? God? Well, it all makes sense now. She's not a pagan, she's a run of the mill pantheist. And I have no use for her whatsoever.

I left her website profoundly disappointed. What is the world coming to? One can't even find a halfway decent pagan these days.

But look on the bright side, at least we know where Elvis is.

 Elvis

On his way UP


































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